Feature on Deena Ansari: A Tainted Smile

Junior Deena Ansari, who attends Irvine High School, spends most of her day like everyone else, handling school, extracurriculars and family life. Ansari is heavily involved in school academically with many advanced placement courses at school as well as musically, through marching and jazz band. She is an outgoing person who instantly brightens anyone's mood.

However, her life behind the scenes became quite different as she began dealing with more jarring and detrimental realities of life.

 “Over a year ago, I was outed to my parents regarding my gender and sexuality,” Ansari said. “Coming from an Islamic background, it definitely was not something they understood.” 

Having to accept that her family members, who she put heavy trust in, were the ones who least accepted her, took a negative toll on her mental health.

 “I was told not to wear certain things or look a certain way, making me feel like I was losing a sense of identity,” Ansari said.

As she endured feelings of inadequacy, it led her to darker stages where she needed professional care after being diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety in December of her sophomore year. Although the pressure led to unbearable amounts of tension, the experience forced her to learn many truths to push through her life. 

“Although I still feel unaccepted, a lot has changed. First, asking for help is okay and not something to be ashamed of,” Ansari said. “I’ve learned to accept my identity—it’s completely normal to feel like this. Things get better over time.” 

As time heals, a year later Ansari has grown to accept herself and build a strong support group as she began talking to a few professionals and friends in the fall of 2018 about her experiences, and grew to be unashamed of her story by junior year. Although her environment hasn’t all changed, she learned lessons she’ll never forget from her experience. 

“I wish people knew that the person who you believe to be constantly happy, may be struggling with a damaging mental illness and you wouldn’t know,” Ansari said.

She has grown to learn that a little empathy and encouragement goes a long way and hopes others take a step back to understand someone’s situation before making judgements.  

 “Mental illness isn’t a facade or a joke—it’s something that needs to be taken seriously and validated,” Ansari said. “Struggling with mental illness has its ups and downs but I’ve found people who validate me and am on a journey of accepting myself.”