Varshene Sivaprakash: An Aspiring Psychiatrist

Good grades. Acceptance to a top-tier college. A stable profession. These are goals first and second-generation immigrants often strive for, hoping to make good use of their opportunities. 

This is certainly true of Varshene Sivaprakash, a junior at Irvine High, who has diligently focused on her education since a young age. However, at the start of her high school career, Sivaprakash suffered a loss that marked the beginning of her mental health struggles. 

“The first trigger was my grandpa passing away which...took me a year and half to move past,” Sivaprakash said. “He was the only one who understood me when I told him about my emotions. My situation was made harder when I was forced to move on from his recent death without any support or guidance and my parents constantly pushing me about my grades.”

Sivaprakash’s struggles to cope with grief that accompanied her grandfather’s death coupled with parents that rejected the concept of mental illness,  which caused her grades to drop. She began showing signs of depression, dealing with unhealthy coping methods such as self-harm. 

“At one time in my life, I told my counselor about my self harming and they did not care to listen, but called my parents in, who already made it clear I was to ignore my condition,” Sivaprakash said. “I tried to tell them I was suddenly unable to concentrate at school or home, or socialize, which only furthered their taunts and hurtful words.” 

Soon, Sivaprakash was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. As she reached the lowest point of her life, she could not handle the constant war between her parents, her mind and her aspirations. 

“I suddenly couldn’t handle [my parents] forcing me to fit their shape of perfect and told my mom I was ‘sad,’” Sivaprakash said. “We never speak about emotions in our family [and] my mom was shocked to hear that from me. I began fighting for myself and my independence.”

At the end of her sophomore year, Sivaprakash began dealing with her mental health struggles in a healthy way. With encouragement from her English teacher Chris Kaino, Sivaprakash slowly began opening up to others. She built relationships with those facing similar struggles and noticed the more she shared about her experiences, she would heal. She also utilized her passion for singing to create pieces that reflected her feelings and her growing independence.

“I have definitely grown from my experiences,” Sivaprakash said. “The afraid, trapped girl I was before is no longer in sight. My parents have completely transformed their ways....I understood that our cultural differences had a lot to do with our miscommunication.”

During her junior year, Sivaprakash performed a song at Irvine Talks reflecting her struggles and loneliness. She gave presentations about the seriousness of depression and the need for better support systems at her school. She voiced the necessity of school mental health groups and joined Hope Squad, a team supporting those with mental illnesses. 

“These are acts I could not even take a year before because I felt embarrassed and alone,” Sivaprakash said. “I [now] know mental illnesses are nothing to be afraid of and it’s just a part of life we must learn to overcome.

Sivaprakash’s experiences inspired her passions about mental health. She now hopes to one day, become a psychiatrist. 

“I wish I knew mental illness could not simply be cured,” Sivaprakash said. I thought therapy would fix me in a couple weeks: it didn’t. I thought medication would fix me in 3 months: it didn’t. In the end it was me taking time for myself, standing up for myself, and releasing my emotions that helped me the most.” 

Sivaprakash currently writes for the Crossroads Initiative magazine and wants to help eliminate the stigma surrounding mental health. 

“Don’t be afraid to speak up. Your mental health journey is definitely a battle, but that does not mean you must keep it to yourself with no support,” Sivaprakash said. “Dealing with mental health is like creating a bridge with supports. The supports are the people who stand with you so in the end, you can walk across and reach the other side.”