“Real Men Don’t Cry”

“Real men don’t cry”

“Real men never step foot in the kitchen, because that’s a women-thing” 

“Real men don’t do dance or choir”

“Real men don’t like pink… that’s for girls”

“Real men are strong and well built”

Young children have been told this for centuries, by their family, friends, and a society that wants so badly for them to conform to its unrealistic version of manliness. A version in which men are not men, but mechanical robots with large biceps and the emotional capacity of fruit flies. 

The problem with hypermasculinity is that it preaches the opposite of femininity, which it considers weak. Men who dress in flowery colors or enjoy “womanly” activities like dance or cooking are underespected, because apparently real men only dress in dull colors and enjoy working out with the boys. This idea of shunning all emotions and embracing “manliness” stems from a need to prove oneself as dominant and more powerful than other members of society. Men who cry are considered weak, whereas it is considered normal for a woman to cry openly because we are more “emotional” anyways. 

But we have to take some blame for this. The idea of hypermasculinity is all around us, and yet we rarely acknowledge its existence. Children watch cartoons where Prince Charming saves the damsel in distress, play video games where they gain points based on the amount of people they kill, and watch movies where men run the household. These manifest in the form of domestic abuse, sexism, and other forms of violence. Hypermasculinity also has a hand in the deep rooted homophobia of many straight men, who believe that being a homosexual male is equatable to being a female, which isn’t masculine. In other words, men love feminine women and will objectify them at any given moment, but are disgusted when other men possess their traits. They love the existence of women and the pleasure they gain from them, but can’t respect them for the qualities they possess. 

Whether it is introducing young children to healthy forms of expression instead of telling them to “suck it up,” or teaching then about the importance of gender fluidity, there are so many ways we could be addressing this issue in homes and classrooms. It all starts somewhere, so the next time you see a guy friend being made fun of for “simping” for a girl, or for wearing a “girly fit,” tell them how amazing they look, and how powerful femininity really is.